“The Most Painful Goodbyes Are The Ones That Are Never Said And Never Explained…” ~ Bilal Nasir Khan
Put my foot in it again,
Why can’t we be friends.
Tired of waiting then
Every time I speak,
You think it’s a lie.
Truth be told, I believed
In us. Like a pair of doves
Flying across the sky.
Unified forever, always
Holding each other
Higher. But who can
Keep a dream alive,
When the reality is
Pushing us down
Against the pavement.
Maybe some day,
Perhaps some other
time, you will find
Then we can
try again. For now
I’m holding my breath,
Dying for a drag
Of your sweetest
Something that is so innate, that it is in the
Very fiber of your body, being and soul. And Yet, it may be the very thing that you avoid, With equal opposing force.
Time passes, year after year, another decade,
An unfulfilled purpose. As I sit idly by
Wishing there was more to living.
But to expose this purpose, is to expose
Me. All the little naked bits, raw and tender,
Hiding from sunlight, even fresh air.
The birthdays rolled by and on past,
I wasn’t ready. Another year, this isn’t
Really for me. Another ten, maybe there is
Something to this mystery.
On it goes, as the fibers itch at my insides
Like wool against the skin in the hot sun.
If not now, when? Tiring of the question
As well as the predictable answer. Stop
Banging on the drums, can I get some peace and
How can I go on living, without living, pretending
It’s living, when there’s always one foot out the
Door… maybe even two.
Does it matter to show up? To exist? Who’s
To get down to the matter, I’d need to feel like
It matters, that I do.
So I’ll put it all out there, not all at once, piece
By piece, letting go of fear with each step.
Realizing there is more here than I ever
Dreamed of, just beyond the hesitation.
And I find that, unbeknownst to me, I’ve become
Part of the land of the living.